And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
