u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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