standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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