and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
