nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
