Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
