i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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