So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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