Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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