Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i believe in u and ur pee
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