Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
