is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Shame - the story of my life.
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