my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
