wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
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