And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
