dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
