think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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