Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
