all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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