I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
