dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
