youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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