we're chasing vodka with high fives
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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