I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You left your phone here
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