im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
