I just pynch a tree in the face
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
