if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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