She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Sext me about skeletons
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
