I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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