I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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