there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
