I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
