Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
