honey bunches of taint.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
