i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
