Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
