Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
