I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
