i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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