i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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