dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
