Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
