go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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