Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
