in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
