mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
