1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
