I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
