imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
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Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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