he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
