forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
