i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
