I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
