I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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