I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We left the knife in your bed.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
