I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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