the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
