I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just gift wrapped bread.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
