Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
