i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
