I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
