Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Randomize
