you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
