used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Bring me that man meat
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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