This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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