omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
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Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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