loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
