Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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