He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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