I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
