No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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