You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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