Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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