my room smells like sperm. sweet.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
