I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Randomize
