Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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