The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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