So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
