I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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