i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
