so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
