and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
